Again, no news from Brian. I have decided it is that laid back California sense of time that is the culprit here. Never mind the fact that my whole life is on hold. Anyway -news posted as I get it.

I read an article the other day about marriage. The author was saying that marriage was an outdated establishment. "What's so great about staying with one person your entire life?" and "Once you are unhappy it is time for you to get out." were prevalent ideas throughout. She does not get it. I could wax semi-eloquently for hours on the subject so I will try to be brief. First of all (my husband always says that when I pull out the "first of all" all should beware!), what makes staying with one person your whole life so great is that it is incredibly hard work. It requires selflessness and courage at the same time. You have to put their interests before your own and at the same time hold them accountable for how they treat you and others. It is about continual character confrontation. Your job as a spouse is to hold a mirror up to your partner and show them what they look like to others. Marriage grows you as a person just like parenthood does. You learn about your weaknesses, and how to be a better person through relationship with your spouse. If I have a trait that the whole world hates and talks about behind my back I would prefer to have my husband tell me about it so that I can fix it. He is the only one I can count on to tell me the truth about those unattractive things! You learn how to listen to sincere criticism and ignore criticism that comes from a place of fear or pride in the criticizer. A good marriage should make you better than you are. If you are in the relationship for only as long as you are happy or it feels good none of the hard work can take place because the environment is not safe. Basically you start of the relationship with an ultimatum: "As long as you never make me uncomfortable, challenge me or make me unhappy I will be with you forever!" How can any growing take place in that relationship? Marriage should grow you up. There is a hard edge to marriage that I don’t think people consider. They think about the fun things (and there are plenty of them) and the companionship and love. They forget the commitment and hard work. And that is the problem with the world today. Ok, I’m done.