Here's an odd twist. We did hear from Brian today. However, he didn't say a word about whether or not we got the job. He just emailed, apologized for not getting in touch earlier and said that he would give us a call sometime this week- when was good for us?

My systemic brain has interpreted this latest development in a million ways. It means we didn't get the job because it seems like he is avoiding us. It means we did get the job because how hard is it to call someone and say "we don't want you”? That would take about two point five seconds. To call and offer someone the job would take longer- so he must not have been able to find the time. On and on and on my brain goes. It's enough to make you crazy.

Another interesting development is that I realize no matter how unsure I am that we actually want that job....I definitely want to be the one doing the rejecting!

Still no news about California. Maybe the whole thing is a figment of my imagination.

We are gearing up for a major winter storm around here. It is supposed to snow about 6-9 inches. Hopefully both Clint and I can hunker down tomorrow with a cup of hot chocolate and try not to freeze. Who knows- it seems in places where they are used to snow they think it is a good idea to continue on with real life even when there is snow! I will never understand it!

I read an interview with Keanu Reeves in the paper today. I would like to share a quote from him with you because I have no idea what it means and I think I counted about 9 buzz words in it.-

QUESTION: “What are your notions about heaven and hell, eternal damnation vs. eternal bliss?

Keanu: “Well, I hope I get the bliss. And I know I am going to work for is. But I have got to say, really, I have no kind of, can I say ‘secular religiosity’? …I don’t have a denominational sight. I think, like in the stories we tell, there is an aspect of the living life informing where we go. A transfiguration, there must be. Energy can’t be destroyed, and energy flows. It must have some effect somewhere…I do think there must be some kind of interaction between your living life and the life that goes on from here.”

The first mistake was asking Keanu Reeves to give us his “notion” of anything!

Again, no news from Brian. I have decided it is that laid back California sense of time that is the culprit here. Never mind the fact that my whole life is on hold. Anyway -news posted as I get it.

I read an article the other day about marriage. The author was saying that marriage was an outdated establishment. "What's so great about staying with one person your entire life?" and "Once you are unhappy it is time for you to get out." were prevalent ideas throughout. She does not get it. I could wax semi-eloquently for hours on the subject so I will try to be brief. First of all (my husband always says that when I pull out the "first of all" all should beware!), what makes staying with one person your whole life so great is that it is incredibly hard work. It requires selflessness and courage at the same time. You have to put their interests before your own and at the same time hold them accountable for how they treat you and others. It is about continual character confrontation. Your job as a spouse is to hold a mirror up to your partner and show them what they look like to others. Marriage grows you as a person just like parenthood does. You learn about your weaknesses, and how to be a better person through relationship with your spouse. If I have a trait that the whole world hates and talks about behind my back I would prefer to have my husband tell me about it so that I can fix it. He is the only one I can count on to tell me the truth about those unattractive things! You learn how to listen to sincere criticism and ignore criticism that comes from a place of fear or pride in the criticizer. A good marriage should make you better than you are. If you are in the relationship for only as long as you are happy or it feels good none of the hard work can take place because the environment is not safe. Basically you start of the relationship with an ultimatum: "As long as you never make me uncomfortable, challenge me or make me unhappy I will be with you forever!" How can any growing take place in that relationship? Marriage should grow you up. There is a hard edge to marriage that I don’t think people consider. They think about the fun things (and there are plenty of them) and the companionship and love. They forget the commitment and hard work. And that is the problem with the world today. Ok, I’m done.

For those of you who are waiting for news about whether or not we are going to Malibu- join the club! Brian did not call us today...so there should definitely be news tomorrow. At least I hope so- I am not a patient person and I don't know how much longer I can stand it!

I looked today and Pepperdine has adjunct professors in the family Psych program that only have Master's Degrees. That is exciting! I wonder what it would take for me to be able to teach a class for them...things to think about!

My neighbors (none that I have already told you about) are having a knock down drag out fight. It is pretty distracting. It is a mother and daughter pair. Clint had a run in with the mother the other day when he apparently parked his car in "her” spot. She was screaming at him about it. It is so hard for me to hear people arguing badly and not go over and do some sort of intervention! I guess every profession is like that-preachers hate to hear others preach, hairstylist go around wanting to fix everyone's hair, cooks notice when there isn't enough salt or too much pepper in whatever they are being served blah blah blah.

It snowed today and Clint and I ate Langford potato soup. The great thing about it -as Peggy says- is that if people drop by unexpectedly you just add more water and there is always plenty to go around! We were safe because we don't know anyone... but I like to be prepared! It is always amazing to me how a certain food can take you back to a specific time and place.

Clint and I are still undecided about California. There are so many good things about moving there. Pepperdine is ranked number 19th of business school from which to get an MBA and if Clint went to work there they would pay for him to get his degree. Also all his CPA requirements transfer seamlessly from Texas to California. My license is a little harder to get in California but once I get it there it is accepted in almost every other state (except Virginia...and I won't be coming back here!!). Also California recognizes an Associate's degree in MFT which means that I would not be looked at as just an intern- I could get a real job! Not to mention the weather, the beach, the fresh fruits and vegetables, the vibrant churches, the connections at the Marriage and Family clinic I have, belonging to the community of a smaller Christian college (that is on the beach!) and the fact that we know everyone will come and visit us if we live out there (because it is on the beach)!

So what is it that makes the decision so hard? I think that we are just beat up. We feel like we did something wild and crazy already and look how it turned out. Granted, we grew as people and as a couple but honestly- I would like to not grow or be stretched for a few months. I am tired. The idea of familiarity and comfortable sounds delightful to me. I like knowing the restaurants and the weather patterns and the people. I have missed that. I always play the “what’s the worst thing that could happen..?" game in these situations. The worst thing that could happen would be a repeat of Charlottesville except this time we would be far far away from both of our families and friends. That, in my opinion, is a pretty bad thing!

Mostly it is just that it is late at night and that is when I feel scared- of new things, of adventure, of the unknown. In the mornings, when the sun is shining, I can practically hear California calling my name.

Really, I would like to travel everywhere there is in the world. I would start with the United States. Travel to every little town, and every major city and stay long enought to get a feeling for what it is like to really live there. What are the problems? In Abilene the problems are that there is no drainage system so when it rains the streets flood and that there is no water but people still want to have green lawns. The city makes you water by zip code. 79601 on Monday, 76902 on Tuesday and so on. In Oxon Hill (the city I lived in right outside of Washington DC) the problem was that everyone was on drugs and they kept shooting each other (anytime you find bulletholes in the church sign it is a problem!).

Also what are the good things? In Bloomington Indiana the have IU basketball. It is wonderful. Seats for the game are fairly easy to come by and the whole town loves going to watch the team. Resturants are empty when the Hoosiers are playing. Small children can recognize Mike Davis' face. It makes you feel like a united community. In Charlottesville we have fall. It is breathtaking spreading over the mountains. People line up in late September on our famous skyline drive just to see the trees. It is what you are supposed to do on a weekend in the fall.

You can only know these kinds of things by living in a place. I want to know something about everywhere. All the places I have lived have been in the United States- and they have all been so different. Imagine how different Africa or China would be! What would I learn about a farm in Ireland or a tiny apartment in Russia?

If only I had unlimited income and a whole lot of time!!

Where to begin....Well it rained the ENTIRE time we were in Malibu. Doesn't seem right does it? This winter they have gotten 27 inches of rain when they usually get 9. I think about 15 inches fell while we were there. I guess I shouldn't complain seeing as how lots of people's houses have gone sliding down the mountainside because of all this rain. I guess a rainy vacation doesn't qualify high on the list of major problems! You will be happy to know that on Saturday Clint and I did go to the beach. We had to stomp through mud puddles on the boardwalk to actually get to the ocean and we stood there in the pelting rain for only about 5 minutes but we did see it. The crazy thing was even though it was gray and raining it was STILL beautiful. We decided God was gracious to us by not exposing us to Southern California's full beauty. It would have blinded us.
In a nut shell it was a great experience. Here are a few of my favorite moments in no particular order:

Brian, the guy interviewing Clint, took us to a restaurant right on the ocean about 15 feet away the waves were rolling in. As we sat there eating fish tacos, a seagull came and landed on the window ledge and watched us- that part was a little weird.

I really enjoyed meeting with Brian. He is from ACU and knows a lot of the people I know. It was good to talk to someone who could talk to me about something familiar. It has been a long time!

When we woke up Friday morning we couldn't see the ocean because of all the fog in the valley bellow. Our hotel had an entire wall of windows that opened on to a balcony. The hotel is on the highest point on a mountain and the campus is scattered over the hillside. As Clint and I stood there talking, the fog lifted and we could see the entire campus and the ocean. There were still clouds over the valley but over the ocean it was sunny and the light was reflecting off the water. It was truly breathtaking!

Friday night we went to eat with Brian and his friend Mary Meador (She actually is Debbie Meador's sister for those of you who know her). Also the head guy in the office, Rick and his wife Tony came. We had Mexican food and I ate a guacamole soft taco. DELICIOUS. Tony is originally from Texas and she and I had a grand old time. It was really encouraging to talk to someone who comes from the same church heritage that I do. I have been so starved for friendship that it was great to get a chance to talk and have fun with a group of people. Both Rick and Tony said that they knew several people that they would like to put me in touch with who could help me with network and with the licensing questions I have. I feel like if we went there I would not be alone in the quest for a position.

Saturday Clint and I went to look for apartments. While we were in Camarillo we saw strawberry fields. Brian told us that there are 3 strawberry harvests in the year. STARWBERRIES...in February! Later in Malibu we saw a man on the side of the road selling strawberries and we pulled over. I asked where they came from and he said Camarillo! There were delicious. What a great place where you can buy strawberries from your own back yard on the side of the road!

They don't have streets there. There is no Malibu Road or Malibu Street. It is Malibu Canyon....Malibu Canyon. Just rolls of the tongue doesn't it?

They also call all of their highways "the (and then the number)” as in " you take the one south and then merge onto the 110.

Overall the place is beautiful. I did not like Los Angeles. I did not like the traffic. But we looked at an apartment complex in Camarillo that is nestled in the hills and is surrounded by a strawberry field. That part of California seemed normal and peaceful. I feel like we could live there.
They say they will let Clint know on Thursday or Friday if they are going to offer him the job. I am excited to see which way this one

I will have to take a few days off from blogging because I am not sure I will be able to find a computer in California.

Rest assured I will come back with many stories to tell.

I spent today preparing for the trip to Malibu. It seems that the weather is going to be bad while we are there. It will only be about 65 degrees and cloudy. That is bad weather?! Brian, the man who wants to hire Clint told us that we are going to be staying at the hotel on campus...with a balcony...that overlooks the ocean! It's so hard being me.

My beloved IU lost their game tonight. I hate when that happens. During the game I realized the versatillity of the word "point." You could say something like :
"At this point, I would like to point out that his point was not about the game itself. They had plenty of points and there were seven point six seconds left on the clock."
The word does start sounding funny after you have said it a few times!

I know Iknow, too much time on my hands. I need a job!

Random food thoughts:
Give me a crusty loaf of French bread, a few grapes and some good cheese and I am a happy girl. I cannot think of a better meal.

When Clint and I first god married I spent a lot of time cooking him all these elaborate dinners. We had Cornish game hens, Calamari, Tuscan soup Asparagus, Artichokes, and Pomegranates. Once I cooked him a meal that he RAVED over. In the year we had been married I had never heard more compliments on a dinner and I was furious. It was simply a big pot of beans made with a ham hock that I put in the crock-pot and didn't even think about again until it was time to eat. I am sure there is a lesson there somewhere.

I have never stopped eating Lays potato chips because I wanted to. I have never had my fill. Usually when I have a bag I have to pay close attention otherwise the entire bag could be gone in one sitting.

My mother's Frito pie is the most perfect food.

Spam is not a food. (Although I hear the Hawaiian’s love it. They even make sushi with it!!)

We went to the "contemporary service" this morning at Cherry Hill Christian church and I completely humiliated myself. For those of you who know me well I am sure you will have no trouble believing this at all. this story ends with my shoe stuck to the floor, trying to hide a wet piece of paper while Clint is pretending that he doesn't know me. Good, now that we have the horrifying ending out of the way let's get started.

Whenever you are going to a new church there are several anxiety producing points of the morning. The first of course is what time exactly you are going to arrive. You don't want to be there late because it is disrespectful. You DO NOT want to get there early because then you spend a lot of time simultaneously hoping that someone comes over to talk to you and being terrified that someone will come over and talk to you (at least that is what you do if you are an introvert like me.) This morning Clint and I timed it perfectly. We walked in with about 4 minutes to spare- enough time to smile and meet a few people but no time for life story discussions. Another problem when you visit a new church is where to sit. Heaven forbid you take a "regular's" seat! Again timing is important. Four minutes before the service all the members are in their assigned seats. Clint and I walk in, and find an empty pew close enough to the back to not feel conspicuous but towards the front enough to seem interested and friendly. We smile, shake a few hands, the minister comes over and we introduce ourselves and then we start to get settled. I look at the pew in front of me and it seems that a couple has left their communion cup from last week in the cup holder. Odd- but not very interesting. The music starts and I feel a hand on my shoulder. As I turn around to see a very nice couple behind us trying to introduce themselves, I kick the two communion cups and they come out of the holder and fall with a loud tap tap tap to the floor. I am unconcerned. I meet the couple and then stand to sing. As I am singing a rousing verse of Yes Lord I look down and see a LAKE of grape juice on the floor right in front of my seat. Apparently these are not empty communion cups from last week. They are (were) full communion cups to be used in a little while when we have communion. I would need a mop to clean up all of this grape juice. So, I discreetly sit down, take a green paper insert from the bulletin and place it like and oasis the middle grape juice lake hoping against hope that it will sop up this embarrassment. No such luck- it floats in the grape juice and turns purple but does not make a dent in the gallons of liquid.

Finally we are all asked to be seated. As the sermon progresses I sit, trying to avoid this puddle of my own creation. Only, now it's spreading. A little while later I look down and my foot has been completely enveloped by the creeping flood of juice. I move my foot and continue on with my sermon meditation. Finally- the end of service. The minister is giving announcements. He is talking about how everyone needs to sign up to help the church with their new service. "Everyone has a green insert in the bulletin-please get a hold of it." I look around people are rustling paper. I inconspicuously (I hope) reach down and pick up the now purple limp piece of paper as the Minister is saying "Hold it up in the air...I want to see every one of you. This is a symbol of your commitment to us...to the Church...to GOD. I want to see everyone with their papers up!" I look helplessly at Clint- who by this time as moved away from me oh so slightly. I am torn-I’m committed to God-to the church-I’m not ashamed to say it but now the only way to declare such a thing is to wave this mess around in the air? Then the Preacher says "Clint and Rachel please stand up- Congregation these are visitors with us today I want everyone to get to know them..." I quickly wad the paper into a ball and stand with purple juice dripping down my wrist. I take a step closer to my husband so everyone will know I am with him and my shoe, which by this time is covered in dry sugary grape juice sticks firmly to the floor while my stocking foot slips out of in and lands squarely in the puddle I have created. And I end as I told you I would: my shoe stuck to the floor, trying to hide a wet piece of paper while Clint is pretending that he doesn't know me.

Today was another lazy day. We celebrated Valentines Day today by going out to eat with some gift certificates that we got for Christmas from Clint's brother. Then we watched a movie called Before Sunrise. I would recommend it. There is a lot of talking and it is a romantic comedy but I liked it. I think Clint slept through most of it- so I would guess that he would give it two thumbs down. I am sure Valentines Day was created by women.

A year and 6 months ago today Clint and I got married; in some ways that seems like FOR-E-VER ago; I can't believe I have been married such a short time. Plus we have experienced a lot of living in that short time. On the other hand I still wake up in the mornings sometimes surprised that I am 26 and married. I still often think of myself as 18!

I have been thinking a lot about falling in love these past few days. (the influence of good ol' Valentines Day I'm sure) Ahhh the joy of it! When Clint and I fell in love it was tax season for him- which meant 10-12 hour days 6 days a week. I was in the middle of my rigorous Master's degree- which meant days from 8 in the morning until 10 at night some days. Still, when we were first dating we found it within ourselves to stay up until 1 or two almost every night just talking and getting to know each other. Nothing but love could give you that much energy. I have been missing that giddy anticipation that comes when you are just learning about someone and are so hopeful and excited to see more and more of them revealed (not like that!). There is something chemical about the early stages of love that intoxicates us. It is like a drug.

However- I would trade that burst of intoxication for what remains after the chemicals have settled down any day. The comfort and peace of knowing someone chooses me today and tomorrow and when I am 80. The confidence that comes from the fact that some one I think is really cool thinks I am really cool too. And the anticipation of who we can be together. There is nothing that makes being stranded hundreds of miles away from friends and family with no job, no money and no direction more palatable than knowing that the person I am married to is just as miserable as I am. It somehow makes me feel all warm and fuzzy!

We bought our tickets today for Malibu. We will be there Wednesday through Sunday of next week. I have a feeling we will get there and I will either be completely in love- or completely hate it. At least I hope the decision will be that easy.

Do you ever get to a place in your life where you think you know absolutely NOTHING about pretty much anything? I really have planned out my life up to this point. Knew what I wanted to do when I "grew up" from the time I was 9. I was raised an ACU wildcat- so that was a no brainer for me. Then back to ACU for my Masters. I was reading in my journal that I wrote when I was 18 that I didn't think I would get married until I was 25...and that is what I did. I knew that I wanted to come back to the East coast and here I am. Now- I honestly have not a clue about what I want to do or what direction I think my life should go in.

More than that I am not sure at all how God works. I know he works in all things, but what is my posture towards him supposed to be? Humble; accepting whatever he has in store knowing that it is the best? Right...but what about free will? Where do I get to choose? Do I go along making my decisions and praying for him to be blessing me along the way or am I supposed to wait and wait until I feel led in one direction or another. What if that isn't happening?

The only thing I know to do is examine myself for rebellion. If it is not there then I guess I believe that as a true seeker God will bless all my efforts.

On a lighter note- I get to dig all my summer clothes out of boxes for this trip. What does one wear to the beach in MALIBU in the middle of FEBRUARY!!!! The idea of it all makes me laugh out loud (LOL for those of you in the know!).

The phone and I DO NOT get along. I am not sure what the problem with it is. I know that it is inherited...my father is the same way. It is a well known fact that it is almost impossible to reach him. At one point I think he had 3 phone numbers and a pager and still he seemed to never be near any of them! I am definitely tending toward that direction. The sound of an unexpected phone ring actually makes me feel anxious and increases my heart rate. One of the best inventions ever is Caller Id. I like to know who is calling even if I don't like to pick up the phone. The things is, a lot of times it isn't that I don't want to talk...it's just that a phone call seems too sudden - I like to be able to prepare. Many times if people leave me a message tellling me why they called, I call them right back. It's like once I know what I am going to have to discuss I feel more prepared. Phone dates? Big fan of those. I can talk for a long time if I can spend days preparing. I think maybe it is the small talk that kills me. I like short direct phone calls. I like having a goal or a purpose for a call. I like beginning a middle and an end.

Most of my friends know about my phone avoidance. One of my friends calls me often...but she is always prepared with a mental bulleted list. We run rapid fire through all the questions then go on to personal updates and funny stories. We talk faster than you can believe and fit a lot into a 20 minute phone call! Another friend told me a few days ago that she gets anxious thinking about calling me becasue she knows how anxious it makes me! Her approach to me when she does call is based on a reward system. At the end of every phone call she tells me with profuse praise how well I did and how long I managed to talk to her.

Clint says I have to get better about the phone. He is right. Most of my friends and family - who am I kidding- all my friends and family live very far away. If I don't get over this ridiculous phobia I will live a sad and lonley life. Be patient with me friends... I am working on it! Until then, please call with your mental list and lots of praise!!!

What is it with Tina Turner anyway? Some people seem to be in love with her! I just don't understand it.

Malibu California called. They want to fly us out there for an interview. We could live in a place called MALIBU...like Malibu rum and Malibu barbie. It is not just a place...no no- it is a whole life style. The temperature fluctuates aproximately 20 degrees during the year. Really... if you don't believe me look it up on weather.com. The high in Spetember is 71 degrees. The low in January is 50 degrees. What is that about?! Why don't we all live there?

What I find even stranger is that I am not sure I want to go.

Here are a few of my most favorite things:
Grass, food, the sun, coffee, truth, lemons, sleeping late, reading good books, courage, camp, laughter, my girlfriends, blue jeans, Fall, music, green, warmth, character, God, my mom's cooking, letter, hearing from old friends, when Clint comes home from work, sarcasm, Langford family dinners, debating, hot showers, flecce blankets, kind people, and avacados.

Clint may have a job offer to work in the Universtiy of Virginia's Athletic's department. That would mean we would have to stay here. Humph.

I woke up really early this morning and sat around eating breakfast and having coffee while Clint was sleeping. I really like mornings, I just wish they didn't happen so early. We went to an older Church with lots of older people. It was nice to sing all the old hyms. After the service several people rushed over to us to tell us that they had another "more contemporary" service in another building. They all seemed pretty sure that we were in the wrong place! We will have to try that out next week.

Mostly just a quiet day. Clint and I are still trying to decide what to do with our lives. I think we have been looking at this whole thing all wrong. Instead of it being a burden, I think we need to look at it is an oppurtunity. We are free do do anything that we choose. That is a blessing! Last night we played the "Dream Game." That's where we think of the way we would like it to be. We lived in a warm place, with all our friends. I worked with all the Beta Feta Phi girls, and we went around to churches speaking. We were near our families and belonged to a great church. It is always good to be faithful, but sometimes it is really helpful to be hopeful as well!

AHHH Saturday. Today has been a quintessential weekend day for me. Woke up late...Clint made me coffee and we sat around and discussed all the problems in the world today. Clint is so good to let me go off on my tirades about what ever strikes my fancy. He lets me rant and rave until I am exhausted and then (and this is the best part) says something to show that he has followed me over hill and dale with all my gesticulation and indignation and that we, of course, see eye to eye on whatever I am outraged about. I must say he rarely gets outraged. He is a lot more generous to people that I am. It is one of his best traits.
My brother called. We are a dangerous combination because we both get worked up and pretty soon we are both just talking and one of us forgets to listen. Sometimes our conversation ends up sounding like a bunch of loosely connected tangents. Somehow it is always fulfilling- at least for me. It is also funny because our goodbyes are always sudden and quick. One second we will be discussing the Pixies and the next second there is a simple goodbye and a press of the end button. I would have it no other way!
Then later while I was on the phone with one of my good friends, Clint went to the grocery store. There is nothing more romantic than that. He even got the right kind of butter!
Now we are lounging around the house..I think tonight we will watch Desk Set (one of my favorite Hepburn/Spencer movies) while eating homemade Nachoes and drinking beer that reminds us of Texas. Does it get any better than that?!

Another day spent reintroducing myself with the wonderful web. So much to see and do I can hardly stand it!

My computer sits by a window that looks out over the parking lot of my apartment complex. When you sit at home all day, you have a lot of time to make imaginary friends with all the people who come out to the parking lot at various times of the day because they have places to go and things to get done. Let me share some of them with you.
First there is the guy who drives the big covered truck with lots of tools and paint in the back. He leaves early in the morning but is always sure to be home at 12:19 for lunch. Where he goes and what he does I know not.
There there is the (in my mind anyway) sweet older couple who lives directly next door. Wednesday is there shopping day. They leave at 10:00 and come back at 12:30 at which time she goes straight indoors and he is left to carry in all the groceries. (they seem to buy a huge package of toliet paper every week! I choose not to think too much about that!) He is the one who shoveled off everyone's walk yesterday when the snow was falling. Today his chore was to check the fluid levels in their car while she stayed inside and played the piano. She loves to play the Jurassic Park theme song which is slightly bizzare. My favorite is when she plays Tiny Dancer and I get to sing along. She obviously is a pretty hip lady!
Finally we come to our upstairs neighbors...two hard working and noisy medical students who leave the house at the ridiculous hour of 5:30 am, and come at 4:30 pm. Today, since it is Friday they went away for the weekend..on a little camping trip I think. I don't think they took their dog Sheba. We can hear her racing around occasionally upstairs. They are really noisy girls when they have friends over- but I figure anyone who has to be somewhere at 5:30 in the morning is entitled to some fun.
There are also 3 cats that walk past my back door at the same time everyday. One is black and is the spitting image of my mom's cat Blackberry. Then there are two tabby cats that were hard to tell apart until recently. One of them got half hit ear bitten off...so now they are distinctive.
It is like I have my own Rear Window going on here. If I notice anyone suddenly decide to dig a garden I will have to call up Grace Kelly to investigate!

Today has been such a good day. We just got online, after many months without it. As I was sitting here I realized that just being connected to the web made me feel a lot less lonley. I got to chat with some of my friends as they signed on and off through out the day and I got to E-mail Clint periodically. I think it was more that that though- I think it was that I got to see all the other places and people that are online. There are Churches places I didn't know existed. People doing jobs and reccommending resturants that I couldn't have dreamed up. Lots of life. Lots of people living -a fact I tend to forget when I sit at home all day without a car. I guess it made me feel hopeful...that even though my life is chaotic and unsettled, some people do get up at the same time every morning, go to the same place to work, see all their old friends and watch the same tv every night. I can not tell you how comfortable that sounds.

I am looking for a job. I can't believe how hard that is! I don't even know where I want to live...so my search is pretty broad. Maybe that is the problem.

It snowed big fluffy flakes today. I have been carrying my big hot water jug around all day trying not to freeze!